Is it “Better” To Grow Up Religious?

The pros and cons, according to research

Photo by Julia Coimbra on Unsplash

A You Have Permission listener recently submitted this question:

“Is growing up religious ‘better’ than growing up nonreligious?”

It’s a simple question that quickly opens up a Pandora's box of complex psychological, sociological, and developmental considerations. As a therapist, a researcher in psychology and religion, and now a father of two boys, I've grappled with this question professionally and personally for many years. (I covered the larger question in great depth on You Have Permission years ago without a specific focus on raising children in a faith tradition.)

Here’s what I’ve found in terms of scholarly consensus and the nuanced concepts at play when considering the benefits vs. costs of a religious upbringing.

30,000 Foot View

Having a stable identity, which for children includes a family identity and, therefore, any religious/spiritual markers or traits, is a net positive for children. Studies have shown that adolescents and young adults who have a strong sense of identity tend to have better mental health outcomes and are less likely to experience identity confusion. Research within attachment theory suggests that having a stable and predictable framework (often including religious beliefs) in early life can contribute to secure attachment, providing a sense of safety and trust.

Religious community and practice can help to provide such stability in childhood and adolescence, but so can other factors, like consistent parenting, extended family connections, solid educational environments, and community involvement. But what’s the role of religion specifically? When we turn to the broader body of research on religious upbringing, we find a complex picture with both positive and negative outcomes. Still, overall, it's slightly more positive — that’s my read. Let's examine some key findings:

Positive Outcomes

1. Quality of Life and Health

A comprehensive study by Mishra et al. (2015) found that religiosity is associated with overall quality of life and inherent protection against disease (!!). The researchers suggest this could be the result of increased optimism, lifestyle modification, avoidance of risky behavior (drugs, sex, gambling), strong social support networks, and the inducing of positive emotions in religious activities like worship.

2. Social Support and Identity Formation

Hill & Pargament (2008) highlight that both religiosity and spirituality are associated with better social support and role identity in children and adolescents. This finding suggests that growing up in a religious context can provide a stable foundation for personal development and social integration.

3. Coping and Resilience

Religious and spiritual coping mechanisms appear to be particularly efficacious. Van Dyke et al. (2009) and Holder et al. (2010) found that believers often look for spiritual support from God or other divine beings, seek social support from fellow believers, and make positive meaning out of negative life events. This type of coping can promote resilience, well-being, and happiness.

4. Behavioral Outcomes

Several studies point to positive behavioral outcomes associated with religious upbringing, including lower rates of misbehavior at school, higher levels of hope and purpose (Markstrom, 1999), and protection against risky behaviors like substance abuse (Merrill, Salazar, & Gardner, 2001).

5. Healing and Trauma Recovery

Bryant-Davis et al. (2012) found that religion and spirituality can be a positive mediating factor in healing from abuse, with some studies showing lower post-traumatic stress symptomatology among those involved in organized religion at the time of familial abuse (Elliot, 1994). (This is a significant focus of my own work on spiritual abuse, especially when I speak about the topic to lay audiences).

Challenges and Negative Outcomes

According to the most careful research, religious involvement also has its costs. Many adults in the West are leaving their religious upbringing behind, sometimes for the reasons listed below (but interestingly, from what I can tell, more often for larger sociopolitical reasons). 

1. Ingroup/Outgroup Thinking & Prejudice

One of the most significant challenges associated with religious upbringing is the potential for increased ingroup/outgroup thinking. Allport and Ross (1967) found that religious individuals tend to be more prejudiced than non-religious individuals, particularly those with an extrinsic religious orientation. This finding has been replicated and expanded upon in numerous studies since. For instance, in their chapter "Extant Empirical Research on Religiosity and Prejudice," Klein et al. (2018) provide a comprehensive overview of studies exploring the relationship between various forms of religiosity and prejudice. They emphasize that the connection between religiosity and prejudice is not uniform but depends on the type of religiosity being considered.

For instance, intrinsic religiosity (motivated by sincere belief) tends to correlate with lower prejudice, while extrinsic religiosity (where religion is used for personal gain or social status) is often associated with higher levels of prejudice. The distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic religiosity and its effects on human lives was a significant focus of this YHP episode on the costs and benefits of religion. (Intrinsicness, or lack thereof, is much easier to measure and identify in adults than in children or adolescents.)

Additionally, fundamentalist beliefs are more likely to foster exclusivism and intergroup biases, while quest-oriented religiosity, which embraces uncertainty and critical thinking, is linked to lower prejudice. Altemeyer and Hunsberger (1992) found that religious fundamentalism was strongly correlated with racial and ethnic prejudice, as well as homophobia (beyond simple religious nonacceptance).

2. Cognitive Rigidity

Some studies suggest that certain types of religious upbringing might inhibit critical thinking skills. For example, Gervais and Norenzayan (2012) found that analytical thinking promotes religious disbelief, implying a potential tension between some forms of religious education and the development of critical thinking skills. 

3. Religious Trauma

In more extreme cases, individuals who grow up in strict or fundamentalist religious environments may experience forms of trauma commonly associated with spiritual abuse. This can involve experiences of shame, guilt, or trauma stemming from their upbringing, with particularly severe impacts on LGBTQ+ individuals raised in non-affirming religious contexts. Spiritual abuse can lead to religious trauma in less conservative spaces, as well. 

4. Moral Licensing

An interesting phenomenon observed in some religious individuals is "moral licensing," where the perception of being a good person due to religious affiliation can paradoxically lead to less ethical behavior in certain contexts (Kouchaki & Jami, 2018). One scenario examined involved individuals who, after attending religious services or engaging in charitable acts, felt more justified in engaging in dishonest or unethical business practices, believing their prior moral behavior "balanced out" their actions.

A Tentative Answer

This is obviously a complex issue. A nuanced approach might ask the following separate questions:

1. What type of religious upbringing are we considering? (Liberal, conservative, fundamentalist, etc.) Are we doing anything to foster intrinsic or extrinsic motivation in our kids (to the extent that’s possible)?

2. What aspects of well-being or "better" outcomes are we most interested in?

3. How might individual factors (personality, family dynamics, cultural context) interact with the religious upbringing we’re considering?

4. How can we foster the positive aspects of religious upbringing (community support, coping mechanisms, sense of purpose) while mitigating potential negative outcomes like prejudice and cognitive rigidity?

My personal current rule-of-thumb answer to this final question is to raise children in more liberal religious environments like the Episcopal church we currently attend. While no church is safe from potential harm, these churches tend to accept the broad scientific consensus on any number of issues, ordain women and LGBTQ individuals, and conduct their religious communal lives with less of a (right-wing) culture warrior mindset. I’m hopeful that such environments will generally be open-minded while providing access to many of the benefits commonly found in religious communities.

It's crucial to remember that these are general trends, not universal truths. Rather than seeking a simple "yes" or "no" answer, we're better served by exploring how religious upbringing interacts with our own family cultures, looking for the best fit on a case-by-case basis.

As for me and my house, we shall give it a go in the liberal mainline tradition.

For more resources on parenting spirituality in kids, check out Meredith Miller (a former podcast guest with a generally orthodox, research-based, engaging, and developmentally-appropriate approach) or Uplift Kids (upcoming podcast guest who creates inclusive spiritual resources for family, drawn from the latest research and a variety of world wisdom traditions).

---

Enjoy reading this essay? Forward to a friend!

You can always join Patreon to support more work like this, and to get ad-free access to all full episodes of You Have Permission.